James Bond

Couples Communication Exercise: Assertiveness and Active listening



Posted: Saturday, July 31, 2010

by James Bond
http://www.jamesandjanka.com/

On Friday I decided to squeeze Janka and myself some orange juice with a little lime and head down to our local marina. In the evenings during the past week I have been reading up on communication styles, personalities, and perceptions. I have been doing a lot of writing lately and getting quite a few comments and emails about various topics. When responding to people I want to do my part to ensure a) I understood what the person was attempting to convey and b) the message I send in return is both relevant and clear. This can actually be a difficult task online where you receive much fewer clues than we are accustomed to in our terrestrial lives.

So as I began rediscovering various personality sorters and communication models, I stumbled across a lot of information assisting couples in improving their relationship. Our schedules permitting, Janka and I really enjoy getting away to explore our dynamic and in the process learn a few new things about one another. One resource we are enjoying is the Couples Checkup Dating Checklist. I know we aren’t only dating now; we are also married, but doing dating exercises is still a lot of fun and has segued into some really interesting conversations.

The marina location allowed us to add romance to this practical activity. Sipping orange juice with the playful lime flavor contributed to summery ambiance. On this quiet summer evening, with the orange sunset in front of us, we could easily focus on one another and really feel our conversation. Find you a spot, lay a blanket and try this out.

The first exercise assists couples in asserting their desires and actively listening to their partners. Skills we all could use more often. Finding a balance between asserting yourself and actively listening to your partner’s desires is a useful tool to enhance any relationship.

For the first part of the exercise partners make individual list of 3 things they wish their partners would do more often.

1.

2.

3.

Once they are both finished they take turns sharing their list with their partners. The partner sharing his/her list practices asserting their desires. The partner listening uses active listening techniques such as

Couples Checklist

Communication Style sorter

Couples Exercise Have fun!
James Bond lives in Southern California with his wife Janka and cat Wyatt. He works with a community college district as a coordinator of student activities. JamesandJanka also provide advice to couples on communication techniques and activities to increase intimacy in relationships.

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