James Bond

The seldom mentioned danger of Online Dating



Posted: Friday, May 21, 2010

by James Bond
http://www.jamesandjanka.com/

Invariably, when I have a meaningful discussion about online dating, the topic of danger comes up. It took me sometime to really wrap my head around why people felt this type of dating was anymore dangerous than any other method people use to find romantic interest. It didn't click for me until I begin to look at why I was so comfortable with the process of online dating.

You see, I began making friends online at a relatively young age. I turned 21 in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia serving in the U.S. Army. One of my favorite pastimes at this time was chatting in yahoo chat rooms. I made many friends back then, a couple of whom I am still friends with today. When I returned stateside I still chatted with people that I met while station overseas and I met several of them. What I experienced was people online were no different than people I met in my terrestrial life. They all had insecurities, strengths, and varying degrees of social skills. Some did what they said they would do, others did not. Some were who they presented themselves to be initially and others were not. These were all experiences that I dealt with before.

When I matured and began to date online I was already comfortable with the computer as a medium to get to know someone. Playing scrabble, literati, and dominoes online while discussing things were relaxing pastimes from my youth. So what are the dangers?

The main danger online dating presented me with was the fact that I met people outside my comfort zone. People who were not like my friends or family, individuals that honestly the only way I was going to converse with would be online. As these relationships developed, I learned the difference between fact and perception. I truly learned the meaning of prejudice and bias as my assumptions from photos were shattered through conversation.

For me the real danger of online dating was facing the man I had grown into and deciding what to keep and what needed work. I know to this day I have bias and many prejudices but the fact that I am aware allows me to be a much better educator, mentor, and husband.

Good luck and be safe.

James Bond lives in Southern California with his wife Janka and cat Wyatt. He works with a community college district as a coordinator of student activities. JamesandJanka also provide advice to couples on communication techniques and activities to increase intimacy in relationships.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Jennifer Stewart
 2 years 3 days ago.
153 fans.
I guess every kind of relationship comes back to personal accountability. For me what scares me about online dating is that a person can make up any story they choose. I've developed a pretty good gut feel, but some people are really good at the con game. The internet is their perfect medium.
 
I understand my fear tells me a lot of useful stuff about me, but I'm still reticent.
» left by James 2 years 3 days ago.
I read you Jennifer. There are con men/women who have perfected all kind of environments online included. I guess I am lucky in that I haven't been successfully targeted by many in any realm that I know of. I have been pretty fortunate throughout my life though.
» left by Jennifer Stewart 2 years 2 days ago.
153 fans.
It's funny, I've been thinking about this ever since I wrote that comment, and as it happens all the friends I've made in the past 3 or 4 months have been online! I guess you develop a feel for it, don't you?  Maybe one of these days I'll progress to a date!
» left by James Bond 2 years 2 days ago.
15 fans. Follow James Bond on twitter!
I have a feeling you would make friends anywhere you spend time. Sounds like you have been spending a lot of time online for whatever reason. I think must of us adapt to our situations and it doesn't take us long to figure out what behaviors our most beneficial to us in any situation. Glad this article got your wheels turning on the subject.
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